Posts Tagged ‘update


Health Update

img_0123Long and short of it, I’m still borked.

But there’s been some improvement, if only on the mental side of things. The shrinks decided “Prozac ain’t cuttin’ it. Let’s try something else.” They then introduced me to the wonders of Latuda.

On day 1, I pretty much was instantly kicked out of the depressive pit. On day 2, I saw the warning signs of a manic phase. On day 3, mania had descended. Day 4, it was fading. Day 5 and since, I’ve felt… normal. It’s weird. I’d almost forgotten what that felt like.

I believe the message here is: Take your damn meds. If what you’re on isn’t working, call the doctor and tell them so. Don’t keep quiet. Moral #2 is “don’t expect instant change.” Give it a week or two to see what changes occur. Moral #3 is “don’t get discouraged.” Easier said than done, especially for those of us laboring under depressive or bipolar disorders, but it’s key. Psychiatry is more art than science thanks to the wonders of individual chemistry, and a lot of it is throwing darts to see what sticks.

So far as the physical front, it’s only getting worse. I’m still lucky if I can get an hour or two of uninterrupted breathing, and making a quick Target run to pick up coffee and sugar or my latest prescription or getting the mail or taking out the trash is an effort that sometimes seems as monumental – and potentially lethal – as climbing Everest. But I continue to survive. It’s almost funny, really; I’ve heard a joke a few times that basically sums it up: “I have autoimmune problems. I’m so awesome, only I can kill me.” It’s true. Snake and spider bites? Nothing. Broken bones, blood loss, shredded flesh? I laugh at you. Questionable food choices hold no worry for me – except for that last trip to Red Robin – and with the exception of severe hydrophobia, I’m not worried about the elements either. But my immune system (or lack thereof, depending on how many steroids the pulmonologist has decided I need that week) certainly seem to have it in for me. They’re still saying surgery is probably the best option, and it’s still painfully out of reach.

I’m going to take a second and get semi-political and “problematic,” primarily because someone felt the need to inform me that my GoFundMe and Patreon were unnecessary and pointless because I have privilege that will protect me. This person has a fairly sizable Patreon, and has done multiple GoFundMe campaigns (usually to pay for legal costs as they have difficulty following rules like paying rent, having a driver’s license, registering their car, or leaving an establishment when told they are not welcome) that were quite successful. To them – and anyone like them – I say “fuck you.” Your imaginary concept of privilege doesn’t seem to care what color or sexuality I am; it cares that my lungs are an easy target and seems determined to rip them to shreds. Also “fuck you” that someone who flaunts the law, wants to scream victim and oppression at every point, and relies on made-up bullshit to grift people feels the need to take time out of their busy day explaining how there’s a secret squirrel account tied to their “Straw Man’s” SSN that can pay off all debts to harass me for the cardinal sin of asking for help. Wanna trade? I’ll take your skin color and sexual status if I also get your bank account and apparent immunity to criticism or consequences, and you can have my privilege and my lungs. We’ll see how that goes.

Okay, got that out of my system. Wait. Not quite. “Sovereign Citizens and Moors are giant dickbags, and if they think they’re beyond the law, then we should just start shooting the assholes and be done with it.” Go ahead. Lien my bond or whatever. It’ll be funny.

Okay, really done with that. But, in all seriousness, my lungs are fucked, my finances are worse since I haven’t been able to work in over a year, and I could really use some help. If you think you can assist, please take a minute to drop by (or share the link) my GoFundMe or Patreon. It’d really help.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Hopefully I’ll have a bit of fiction available for you next week. Still mulling it over. We’ll see how it turns out.

Until next time.

KA Spiral no signature


I did it… I guess

Well, it’s the 31st. I survived another month, which doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment to most folks. When taking the trash out can lead to fainting spells and vomiting, and loading the dishwasher requires a nebulizer treatment though, it feels like an accomplishment.

That’s not what I’m here for, though. I managed to write something – anything – every day this month. Some days it wasn’t of import, or felt like a quick “cheat” just to get something up, but I still did it. Some days were easy, others were hard. Some I just said whatever I wanted to, and others I gnawed my nails in fear that what I had to say that day was liable to get me in trouble with someone. But I managed. 31 day streak, every day in August, and I feel accomplished about it.

Of course, it begs the question: What now? Do I want to try for “every day for two months?” Should I? I honestly don’t know. I know I want to work on Dr. Gale (who stalled a bit due to health and infestation issues but is still alive and not yet on life support, unlike some of my other work.) Did it do anything besides add extra notifications to my WordPress page? Did it make me feel any better? I can’t tell.

We’ll see, I suppose. But I still did it. I suppose that’s something to be proud of, given that between my health and mental issues, accomplishing anything beyond staring at the TV feels like a struggle. So I’ll take it and be happy.

Thanks for reading, folks. We’ll see you next month, in some form or another, I’m sure. If you want to keep up with me on other platforms, you can always stop by my Twitch channel, stalk me on PSN (under the name Ashande), on Xbox Live (as Typo Monster) or on Twitter @KaineAndrews. If you like what I do and want to help keep me doing it, you can always drop by my Patreon, or if you want to contribute to the surgery fund so I can maybe resolve my lung issues, there’s a GoFundMe right here. Anything helps and is always appreciated, but never required.

KA Spiral no signature

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