Posts Tagged ‘short story


Fiction: Little Miss No Name

Most other kids are made with love and happiness; I got here from sadness. Most other kids have mommies and daddies; my daddy went away a long time ago, and I’ve had lots of mommies. Most other kids have names, something their mommy and daddy gave them that’s just theirs, something that tells them who they are… But not me. I’m just Little Miss No Name, always looking for a mommy who loves me, who’ll tell me who I am, who’ll give me a name and make me happy like the other little girls.

My last mommy almost gave me a name. She found me in a dumpster, where I was playing hide and seek with my friend Oscar. Oscar was a bug, a big crunchy one who liked to crawl in my hair and chew on my fingers. He wasn’t very nice, but at least he knew I was there. Then she saw me, cried out to her own mommy.

“Momma! There’s a doll in the trash!”

“Sheila, leave that alone. You don’t know where it’s been.”

The mother sounds tired and cranky. She’s not even really paying attention. I don’t like her. It reminds me of my first mommy, how she’d forget about me and leave me behind. I bet she drinks the brown stuff from the big, smelly bottles, and gets mad when she does.

The little girl hangs her head and scuffs her feet. I can tell her mommy’s been like this to her before, probably a lot. I know she’s going to take her mommy’s hand and keep walking, leaving me alone with Oscar again. It makes me sad… It’s been so long since anybody saw me, and I could hear how much she wanted me. My eyes hurt, and everything looks all shimmery; I feel something wet run down my face.

The little girl looks back at me. With the wetness in my eyes, she looks like I opened my eyes under the water, all wavy. She starts tugging her mommy’s skirt.

“Momma! The dolly’s crying! We can’t just leave her!”

Her mommy doesn’t care; she’s already tugging Sheila farther down the street, farther away from me and Oscar. I wish I could make the hurting in my eyes stop, so I could see her better, see her as well as she must have seen me, but it just gets worse. Oscar doesn’t seem to mind. He’s rolling around in the wet spots, laughing.

The mommy stops, staring through one of the store windows. I think it’s one where the plastic ladies wear funny clothes. The little girl tugs out of her mommy’s hand and runs to me. She’s smiling, happy. She reaches out for me, but then frowns.

“Ewww, gross,” she says as she brushes Oscar off my face. I shake like I do when it’s too cold outside, but from happiness. How long since someone touched me? I don’t know. I feel bad for Oscar, though; he goes tumbling back into the trash. But he’ll probably be okay.

“It’s okay. I won’t let any more bugs touch you. But it’s quiet time, kay?”

She giggles, and the sound of her laughter is like music. Sometimes, when my first mommy was happy, she’d play music on a big plastic box that spun little plates on top. They were loud and scratchy, and sometimes skipped, but they were happy songs. But not as happy as this.

She picks me up and stuffs me in the little backpack she carries, then zips me in. It’s dark in there, and full of secret sounds. Pencils and quarters hug me in the dark, and I get bounced around a lot while she skips back to her mommy.

Outside I hear the mommy yelling at the little girl. Scolding her for running off. My new mommy says she’s sorry, but she doesn’t sound sorry. She sounds happy, the kind of happy that  you want to share but can’t because you’re not supposed to tell people why you’re happy. Her mommy doesn’t seem to notice. Just drags her — and me! — along with a jerk.

I was in that dark place for what seemed like forever, getting bounced around as my new mommy skipped along with her mommy. Every time they’d talk, I could hear my new mommy sounding more and more antsy. I knew she wanted to take me out and play with me, but she had to wait. I was a secret, at least for now; if her mommy knew she’d gotten me out of the trash, she’d probably get in trouble, maybe even get a spanking like my old mommy used to give me, or something even worse. I’d probably go back in the trash, and wouldn’t even have Oscar anymore. I didn’t want that, so I was oh-so quiet and tried to be patient.

It was quiet for a while, except for a low hum. I think the mommy was driving somewhere. Then I got jerked around some more, and there was a slam, and some bouncing. Another slam and I could hear Sheila laughing, bounding off somewhere with her bag on her shoulder.

It was really bright when she opened the bag, hard to see anything except the shape of her head surrounded by light. I tried to blink, but couldn’t. After a minute it cleared up and I could see that we were in a bathroom. Sheila lifted me up and hugged me tight. I could smell shampoo – the kind that smelled like berries – as her soft curls rubbed on my cheek.

”We’re gonna get you cleaned up, okay? Then you won’t be so smelly, and we can have our first slumber party!”

I didn’t know what a slumber party was, but having her actually want me around made me happy. I tried to hug her back, to nod my head, to say “Thank you,” but couldn’t. Sometimes it was really hard to move and do things, even when I really wanted to.

She lifted me up and sat me down on a big white chair. It was cold and smooth beneath me. She even made sure my legs were pointed the right way. I was happy about that. My first mommy wasn’t always so careful, and sometimes hurt me. Sheila bent over the tub – and what a nice one, so big and sparkly white! I’d never seen one like that before – and played with the knobs for a minute. Clean water began splashing out of the tap.

From somewhere beyond the bathroom door, I heard her mommy shout in a voice that was kind of blurry and funny sounding, reminding me again of my old mommy and her bottles. “Sheila!? You’d better be getting in that tub! No funny stuff, ya hear?”

Sheila looked at the door, looking mad. She rolled her little blue eyes, winking at me before she answered. “Yes, momma!”

Sheila started tugging at her shirt, then stopped and titled her head at me. Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. “I forgot! Just a second!”

She turned and scurried out of the bathroom, coming back a second later. She was holding something behind her back, and her smile was even bigger.

“It’d be silly to get you clean if I just put you back in that messy thing, wouldn’t it?”

She picked me back up, tugging off the scrap of burlap that I always wore. When it came over my head, it caught on my nose for a second, and I could smell Oscar’s trash heap, old stains from my first mommy’s special bottles, and the stuff that came out of Mister Meow-Meow. It made me sad; sometimes I still missed my kitty. Maybe my new mommy would have one, or even let me have one. But then it was off, and Sheila held out what she’d come back with.

It was a dress. A little pink one, with a unicorn on the skirt and frilly white stuff on the sleeves. It was the prettiest I’d ever seen, and even prettier for being the only one I’d ever owned. My first momma never let me have dresses, and none of the others had ever given me one before they went away and left me behind.

  “I hope you like it. But we can’t put it on you until you’re clean, okay?”

She set the dress aside, then took off her clothes and took me into the water. It was warm, nice; a lot better than the garbage bin. Sheila took extra time with my hair, scrubbing it really good with some pink stuff that smelled like candy and made my hair extra shiny. She even brushed it out and put a rubber band in it when she was done, so I had a ponytail like her.

I didn’t want to leave the tub. It was so warm and clean, and steam was everywhere, making me feel like we were in our own safe place, just Sheila and me. But we were clean and I could hear her mommy thumping around downstairs. If we didn’t get out soon, she’d probably come up, yelling for us to get out and asking if we thought water and heat were free. I never knew the answer, because my first mommy always called me stupid no matter what I said when she asked me that. So even though I didn’t want to leave, I was glad when we were out and the drain began making its slurping sounds.

Sheila put a towel around herself, one of the fancy ones with sleeves. Then she picked me up and used a washcloth to scrub me dry. It tickled, but I didn’t laugh. Something bad might happen if I laughed. So I was quiet while she scrubbed me, and then she put me on the counter and started brushing her teeth.

I could see into the mirror, and I didn’t even look like me anymore. My skin and my hair were clean and shiny. No more bug juice, no more ash on my face. I looked happy and clean, like little girls are supposed to. I don’t ever remember looking like that before. Sheila stopped scrubbing her teeth and smiled down at me.

“We gots to brush your teeth, too, or they’ll fall out.”

She scrubbed her toothbrush on my teeth for a second. It tasted minty, and was a little gross – Ewww, germs! – but I knew Sheila was being nice, so I let her. When she was done, I did feel better, and my teeth didn’t feel all loose and bloody like they sometimes did, so maybe the germs were good for me.

Sheila pulled the little pink dress over my head, making sure my arms were in it the right way and not bent into weird shapes. It felt so nice and soft, not all scratchy like the shirt I used to wear. Then she shrugged into her own pajamas – they were blue, with horses and chickens on them – and tugged me along into the room next to the bathroom.

“Bedtime,” she said to me, as she tucked me into her bed, under a big fluffy blanket with a smiling sun on it. “You have to be quiet for a minute. Momma’s going to check on us.”

She slid in beside me, making sure the covers were over my head. It was hot and a little stuffy, but the smells were great: dryer sheets, the candy shampoo, a bit of crumbled cookie. I heard a door open, and heavy breathing for a while, then a too-loud and sad voice that sounded sort of like Sheila’s mommy.

“You brushed up? Get all clean? Didn’t touch my perfume, did you, cupcake?”

I didn’t like it. It reminded me too much of my first mommy. She called me cupcake, too… But hardly ever meant it in a good way. And why would we touch her perfume? We smelled good without it, didn’t we?

“Yes, momma.”

“Then go to sleep.”

“Yes, momma.” Sheila sounded sort of sad. I bet her mommy asked her the same things every night, and probably never said “I love you” or asked if she had a good day, like the mommies on TV sometimes did.

I could hear Sheila’s mommy breathing, slow and heavy like an old car engine, for awhile longer. Sheila held me tight, shivering against me, quiet as a mouse. Then the door clicked shut and the mommy was gone again. Sheila sighed and stopped shaking.

“Kay. She’s gone,” she whispered. Her breath tickled my cheek. “Sometimes she stays and watches longer. It’s weird.”

She pulled me out from under the blanket, and hugged me tight.

“But it’s okay, now. We have each other, right?”

I wanted to nod, to agree with her. But I still couldn’t move. Sheila seemed to understand, though. She giggled – quietly, so the mommy couldn’t hear – and squeezed me to her.

“We’ll have to give you a name. But I don’t know any good ones.”

Her face pulled down, lips squished together while she tapped her chin with one finger.

“My daddy used to say that if you couldn’t think of something, you should go to sleep. When you wake up, you’ll know. He said that your brain keeps working when you’re sleeping. My daddy was always right, so we’ll name you in the morning after I dream it, kay?”

I couldn’t believe it. I was going to get a name! A real name, like other girls had! I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep. I was too excited. I bet that’s what Christmas is like. I lay there, safe in Sheila’s arms, wanting to laugh and scream and jump up and down, but not even able to twitch my fingers in the nest of Sheila’s hair.

It was a little bit later when my new mommy’s breathing became soft and slow, and I could see her eyes were shut and her mouth was open. She was drooling a little. Ick. That’s when the really hard part started. Waiting, knowing something good was going to happen, not wanting it to be dark anymore just so I could learn my name. It was a really long time. I must have counted to a million or more. Then the door clicked open, with a little beam of light from the hallway creeping over Sheila’s face.

There was a shadow in the doorway, looking tall and scary. I thought it was Sheila’s mommy, watching us like Sheila said she sometimes did. Then she lifted her arm and started tapping her nails on the door. I started to shake, and got cold all over. I’d seen that before, somewhere. Somewhere not good.

She took a step into the room, moving like a scary shadow and not like people are supposed to. Something shiny was in her hand. She coughed, a wet, nasty sound.

“Well, well, well.”

It wasn’t Sheila’s mommy. The voice was wrong. I shook harder, and now I was actually shaking. My eyes were burning, and water was coming out of them again. I remembered what it felt like to cry again.

It stepped closer and leaned over us. It smelled, a brown smell that made me want to puke and made my nose close up.

“You’ve been a very, very, naughty girl.”

She cocked her head, and the light hit her. Of course it wasn’t Sheila’s mommy.

It was my mommy. My first mommy.

She reached out with one hand – the one that didn’t have the shiny thing – and twisted her fingers into my ponytail. She felt dirty and hot and something sticky was all over her hand. Some of it dribbled on my face and across Sheila’s blanket, making red smears and ruining the sun’s happy face.

“Very naughty. But mommy knows what to do.”

She yanked me out of bed, away from Sheila’s arms, dangling me by my hair. It hurt, and I wanted to kick and scream and bite. I had done that once. A long time ago, before I was in the garbage, before my other mommies. But all I could do was twitch one leg.

Sheila rolled over, making little cooing noises like a kitty. She flopped her arms around at the spot that I’d been, and started to sit up. I wanted to tell her to be still, to pretend she was still sleeping. Maybe then my mommy wouldn’t do the bad thing. Sometimes if you hid, my mommy forgot or stopped. But I could only make a small little gasp, not even really a whisper.

Mommy’s other arm came up, and the hall light shone on what she had. I tried to scream again, and this time it was a little louder, but still not loud enough. She jabbed her arm down, her skinny, stinky arm bulging. The red, sticky stuff was dripping from her hands, and had splashed all the way up her arm. I wondered if my mommy had found Sheila’s mommy first. Probably. The sharp, shiny thing, one of the big knives that mommy’d always told me not to touch, was clean though.

“Naptime, cupcake.”

Sheila’s eyes popped open. She tried to scream. The knife went into her chest, and more sticky stuff – redder and brighter than what was already on my mommy, but still the same – flew up. I couldn’t see, mommy was moving so quick, but more of the red stuff was flying and Sheila was thrashing and twitching, like she was trying to swim in her bed.

The way she looked as her eyes closed, the sounds she was trying to make, the blood everywhere… It reminded me of something. I remembered everything. All my old mommies, good and bad. What happened to them. But above them all was the lady who had me by the hair and had a knife stuck in my new mommy. Just like she’d done to me, once.

I was mad. Madder than I’d ever been. And it helped. I screamed, and for the first time in forever, someone other than me heard it. My mommy shrieked and jumped back, dropping me on the floor and pointing the knife at me. It hurt – Sheila’s carpet wasn’t the thick, cushy kind – but I could move, too, and I managed to get up pretty quick. I looked up at my mommy.

She looked scareder than the girls in the movies where they got chased by bad men in hockey masks. I’d been scared like that, too. Of her. But not anymore.

“Stay back, you little slut!”

She’s not mad anymore. Not strong. Not in charge.

I am.

“You hurt my mommy,” I say. Because Sheila was a better mommy, a real mommy. She’d cleaned me, and held me, and was going to give me a name, things the bad lady here hadn’t ever done.

My voice is different. Louder than I thought it’d be. Scarier. My first mommy steps back, and starts swinging at the air, still mumbling that I should stay back. She smells like a diaper, and I see a wet spot on her pants that isn’t blood.

“You hurt me,” I say, and take a step. It isn’t easy; I have to think real hard to make it happen. But the second step is easier. The third is even easier than that.

Mommy drops the knife and starts to cry. The knife lands next to my foot, and a bad thing comes into my head. A very bad thing. But, mommy never worried about doing bad things to me. She did bad things to me, and to other people, whether they were good or bad. And mommy was definitely bad.

I bend down, and pick up the knife. It’s hard – the knife is big, almost as big as me, and hard to grab from all the wet red stuff on it – but I manage. The red stuff gets all over my arms, and my pretty new dress. I’m sad for the dress, but I feel even stronger, and oh so angry.

“When you play, you’re supposed to take turns. Right, mommy?” She doesn’t answer me. Just falls to her knees, covering her face with her hands like we’re going to play peek-a-boo. But the bad thought is still in me, and I don’t want to play peek-a-boo, or ring around the rosie or patty cake. I didn’t think mommy was going to like this game.

But I would.

“My turn, mommy.”

I take another step. And another. And one more.



Fiction: Woman at the Window

She was there again.

Jimmy Greer had made it a bedtime habit to creep out of his bed, tiptoe across the hardwood floor of his bedroom with as much stealth as his seven year old body was capable of, slowly pull the edge of one Adventure Time curtain back, and peer through the small gap at the world beyond. He’d been doing it for three weeks now, and out of those twenty one days, seventeen of them, he’d seen her.

The first time had been an accident. He had thought he’d heard a dog barking or a car backfiring or some other noise that had roused him from sleep and made him double check to be sure zombies weren’t invading the neighborhood. He’d seen no zombies, merely one old (maybe) woman standing under the street light at the corner. Nothing particularly odd, even if it was late at night; lots of the people in his parent’s apartment building worked nights or kept weird schedules for some other reason. But his skin had been crawling just the same, rippling with gooseflesh at the sight of her.

Just a woman in loose green slacks and a black sweatshirt, deep creases in her face that might have been old age, stress or a generally nasty disposition. The kind of person you saw standing in the corner at the market, glaring at you like she just knew you were there to steal something, break something, or both. Not friendly looking, especially since he couldn’t see her mouth – she was holding her hand in front of it, for some reason – but nothing that should be making him feel like he had to pee, or that he was in mortal danger. But that’s how he felt just the same.

He’d tried to break his gaze from her, to let the curtain go and just go back to bed and not think about it, but he’d been frozen. Then she’d tilted her head and looked up, locking her weird gray eyes on his, and he knew, just knew, that she’d seen him. How that could be, he wasn’t sure; he was in a dark room and the only lighting on this part of the street was coming from behind her, but some part of his brain – probably the part that his dad would call a “lizard-brain” – was certain she wasn’t just looking at a dark window in a building full of them, but was looking right at him.

He’d seen her cheeks twitch, and even though her hand was still in the way, Jimmy was pretty sure she’d smiled at him. Not the nice smile, the kind that says “Yeah, I may look old and mean, but I might have a cookie somewhere in my pocket,” but the kind that says “I have the bones of six or seven other little boys in my basement.”

That first time, Jimmy hadn’t been able to stop it. He’d made water in his pants. The rush of wet heat, followed by cold as the air hit the spreading, foul smelling spot, had broken his paralysis. He could have screamed for his parents, could have run to the bathroom, but did neither. He had leapt back into bed, and had stayed there, shivering, for hours. Until the sun had finally come up he had been somehow certain that if he looked at the window, he’d see her peeking back in at him, waiting for him to let her in so she could do something to him.

The night after, he’d checked the window. Almost against his will. She hadn’t been there. His relief had been greater than anything he’d known in his seven – almost eight! – years on this earth. But the night after that, he’d checked again – chiding himself the whole while, that it was silly, that there was no ax-murdering old woman watching him – and she’d been there again. Only instead of at the corner down the road, she had been a few steps closer. And instead of turning up to look at him when he’d opened the window, she had already been staring. As though she’d been there for hours, just waiting for him to look out.

Since then, every time he saw her, she was a little closer. Always staring up at him, and always that little cheek twitch when he peeked out, even though he was sure the small movements of his curtains weren’t really enough to give him away.

Tonight she was directly below the building, looking straight up at him. Jimmy could see, now that she was close enough, that her mouth was moving constantly behind that obscuring hand. He thought she might be talking, but he couldn’t hear her if she was. The thick glass, the distance, and the wet, heavy air of the October night made sure of that. Jimmy wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what she might be saying. It was probably something that would only make her behavior even worse. “I’m going to eat you, Jimmy,” maybe. Or “I know about the rabbit, Jimmy!”

He hadn’t thought about the rabbit in a long time, until now. At least, that’s what he told himself. The rabbit was actually never far in his thoughts, casting it’s maggot-eaten and still somehow sad gaze over everything he said and did, not that he’d ever admit to it.

Why he was thinking about it now – actually thinking about it, instead of pretending not to – he didn’t know. Why he thought the woman would know anything about it was also a mystery to him. But somehow he was sure of it. After all, scary things like crazy women who crept a little closer to you every night only happened to bad people. He knew that from the movies he watched and the things his parents told him, when they bothered to talk to him at all. It was the only bad thing he’d ever done.

It wasn’t really that bad, he tried to tell himself, but it did no good. The woman standing on the sidewalk below, muttering to herself and smiling up at him said otherwise. In her eyes there was the sum of all bad things, the worst possible things, and she was here for him. There wasn’t any doubt of that. That meant the rabbit had been a very bad thing, too.

He crawled away from the window – somehow, keeping his body below the level of the sill, creeping towards his bed on his belly, made him feel better – and crawled under the covers, pulling them over his head. The air quickly grew stale and muggy, but it was better under there. Safer. If he couldn’t see the bad things, the bad things couldn’t see him.

But he could still see the rabbit. The way it’s paws had looked, battered and torn and covered with blood. The way the the eyes were still moving, like they were watching him, until he realized they were actually maggots and the poor thing’s eyes – big, brown orbs that glimmered and promised all the good things in the world – had been eaten away. The red stains on its nose, probably gained while it battered itself fruitlessly against the cage door in a last attempt to escape.

Jimmy didn’t know he was crying until snot and tears started dripping into his lap and his sinuses sealed up. To find that he still could cry for the rabbit left him feeling somewhat relieved. He’d cried plenty when he found it, of course. Any child would have. But, like most children, it had passed quickly from the sharp cut of recent experience to the dull throb of memory, burying itself deep within and not bobbing to the surface again for months at a time. When he told himself he didn’t remember the rabbit – who hadn’t even been his long enough to get a good name – he didn’t cry, didn’t even feel bad. Not on top, anyway. The idea that he could still cry for his lost pet, in his mind, somehow made it okay, was proof that it wasn’t a bad thing, that he wasn’t a bad kid, didn’t deserve whatever nasty trick the old woman was trying to play on him.

It didn’t help much, though. It still left him with the question of what to do about it. He’d tried talking to his mother, but she had brushed it off. Told him there were no old women in the neighborhood except for Mrs. Misha, and she never left her house because there was something wrong with her legs. She had a helper, a teenage girl named Alison, who came by sometimes and tossed her hair about while she stared with pursed lips at the older boys in the building. But the woman who Jimmy’d seen under the streetlight that first night definitely wasn’t Mrs. Misha – who was fat and in a motorized chair when she left the house – and she definitely wasn’t Alison, who was young and pretty and wore bright colored shirts that barely covered anything at all.

He’d tried to explain those things to his mother, but she’d just started nodding and “uh-hunh”ing before he’d gotten even halfway through, then held up a finger when her phone started buzzing. By the time she was off the line with her assistant, she’d forgotten all about Jimmy’s problem and was focused on her own.

He’d thought about trying to talk to his dad, but that was an even worse idea than his mother. Dad only had two moods, and neither of them was good for important communication. In one, he was sullen, quiet, and responded to almost any question with “Go ask your mother.” In the other, he was erratic and silly, acting more like a kid himself than the grownup he was supposed to be, and asking questions then was liable to set off a chain reaction of bodily noises and yo mama jokes.

Jimmy didn’t have any friends at school – he stuck to himself at recess, usually sitting in the corner of the yard with a PB&J in one hand and a filched Batman in the other, and even the teachers barely knew he was alive unless he had his hand up for the hall pass to use the bathroom.

As he lay in bed, going over his options for what wasn’t the first – or the hundredth – time and coming up with the same net result of “none at all,” Jimmy suddenly had a thought. It made him bolt straight up in bed, his heavy Spongebob comforter puddling around him, granting him a large breath of cold, fresh air that shocked him into full wakefulness.

She couldn’t get in. She could stand below his window all night, every night, if that’s what she wanted to do, but that was all. Sure, that was scary, and it’d probably take some getting used to, knowing there was a crazy woman down there muttering to herself, but that’s all she was. His parents’ apartment was on the fourth floor. The fire escape was on the other side of the building. All the windows had little iron cages around them, keeping the pigeons away. Unless she could fly – and if she could fly, why would she be waiting out there all night, every night, when she could be using her superpowers to make money or bother someone else? – there was no way up to his room, let alone actually into it.

The idea, the simple logic of it, entranced him. It didn’t even matter if she knew about the rabbit or how it must have suffered. The idea that if she did know about it somehow, she probably did have superpowers didn’t come to him. The deeply held notion of only an hour before, that she was some form of malignant Santa Claus, here to punish him for his misdeeds – even if they had only been accidental – was forgotten in his exultant pleasure over knowing she had no power over him, no way to enforce whatever punishment she might have wanted to lay upon him.

Laughing to himself – quietly, so as not to either wake his parents or be audible to the woman below – Jimmy lay down again, flipping his pillow over to the side that hadn’t been soaked with nervous nightsweats. His lips were parted in a broad smile that exposed his three missing teeth, one of which he’d swallowed last month. He laughed again, remembering that he had been worried that the tooth fairy would come for her prize and have to cut it out of him. At the time, the idea had been every bit as real and traumatizing as the idea that the woman below was somehow going to hurt him… and every bit as completely, patently, false. Somehow the two ideas together became an equation in his head that said no harm could come to him.

Thinking of equations reminded him that there was a math exam tomorrow, and if he didn’t want to get detention for failing another one, he had best get some rest. Knowing that he was safe from the woman meant he could. As his eyes started to slip shut, Jimmy was still smiling. It was over. No harm, no foul.

* * *

After his math test – which he did not ace, but at least passed – and the remainder of the school day, Jimmy made his way home, endured a near-silent dinner nestled in the taller chair between his parents, and retired to his room as he always did. When his mother called out to him that it was bedtime and he should put his things away and get washed up, he did without complaint, not even a single peep of “Just five more minutes, mom?” He was still floating on his newfound freedom, still satisfied that all was well and the world would now be returning to its regularly scheduled programming. “Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel,” like the announcer on Batman said, when he could convince his parents to let him stay up an extra half hour and watch it on Nick-At-Nite.

Once he was ready for bed, the lights turned off, his comics stacked on his desk, the air conditioner making its bubbling noises as it drowsed in the energy saver mode, Jimmy glanced at the window, feeling a single bright pulse of fear twist through him.

Oh, stop it, he told himself. it doesn’t matter anymore. The thought pushed the fear back, brought his smile out. Without bothering to peek beyond the curtains, he slid into bed, pulled the covers up, and closed his eyes.

His eyes snapped open an uncountable period of time later. He wasn’t sure when he’d fallen asleep – something that had always bothered him. He could never tell the moment when he fell asleep, and like worrying about the light in the fridge and when it was turning itself off and on, it seemed like a tremendously important question, made all the more important by the fact that he was unable to discover the answer through any means he had available. But he had been sleeping, the puddle of drool at the corner of his mouth and the way the hall light, shining with an aura of absolute normalcy through the cracked bedroom door, lanced at his eyeballs said it was so. He didn’t have the urge to pee, didn’t see his father’s bear-like shadow drifting across that small oasis of light, didn’t hear his mother’s television or any sirens, so he didn’t know why he was awake. At first.

“…in a cage. Just like your rabbit.”

The voice was gravel, the way people talked on television if they had been screaming a lot or trapped in a fire with too much smoke or something. When he heard it, his balls drew up into his body, his arms became pebbled leather, and his hair pulled itself into a cock’s comb on his head. It was coming from directly outside his window. He was sure of it.

“Just a bunch of garbage. Watching old Mary every night, laughing at old Mary, like she doesn’t know. But she knows. She saw. Saw how it beat itself against the bars, how it was drowning in the filthy garbage and shit you left in there, nothing to eat, nowhere to sleep. She knows.”

He didn’t notice when his pants were soaked through. He’d pissed himself, again, but his entire body was locked, unable to process anything except that horrible voice and what it was talking about. His throat was locked, and while he wanted to scream, nothing came out, not even the breath he had first taken when he awoke. Total vapor-lock.

“Thinks he can do what he wants, just go along without anything ever happening. But old Mary knows better. Old Mary sees everything, knows about the garbage that builds up, how that’s all anybody really is. Just garbage and shit that walks around and laughs and screams and how she loves the screams, especially the ones that don’t come out, because if they came out they’d scare away the maggots and we don’t want that.”

Jimmy’s body wasn’t his anymore. In between his mind flashing images of his last glimpse of the rabbit that he had oohed and awwed over for a week before forgetting to feed it for too long and the soul-rending fear he had of the woman, made all the worse because he had been certain that there was nothing there to fear at all, he wondered if Pinocchio had felt this way. His body got out of bed, fat yellow droplets oozing off his pants leg to dribble on the floor, and walked towards the window. His hand reached up, bunching Jake’s smiling face on the curtain into his tiny fist. He knew in another moment that fist would yank the curtain wide, and knew what he would see when it did… but was completely powerless to stop it.

“Yes, he comes to old Mary, they always do, because they want to go to her basement and see the rest of the garbage, be with the rest of the garbage, because that’s what they all are, and they know it.”

The gravel was leaving the voice. It was changing somehow, turning soft and seductive, making him quiver in ways he didn’t really understand. Had Jimmy been older, he might have even been aroused by it, but he only knew it reminded him of the way Alison sometimes sounded when she was talking to one of the boys she liked, and how he sometimes wondered if she’d talk to him that way.

His hand yanked the curtain back, and he saw just what he had expected. But it was oh-so-much worse.

The woman was floating in front of his window. Her hands – both of them – were wrapped around the bars of the pigeon-protecting cage, and her feet were braced against the wall below the window sill. She looked like some kind of human spider, and he might have laughed at the idea except that this was no comic book. This was real. Her mouth was moving, and without her hand to cover it, to hide the things it was saying, her voice was very loud and becoming something inhuman. The words were no longer the smoky gravel, or the flirty teenager’s sing-song, but had become something like the hiss you heard when the TV was tuned to an empty channel or the way a wasps’ nest sounded if they were riled up. But he could still hear the words in it.

“There he is, our boy. Don’t worry, old Mary will take good care of you, my little garbage heap. So much shit in the world, filling it up with nothing but, but Mary will take care of it, clean it up.”

Her mouth wasn’t human. Where lips should have been, there were thin strips of silky brown fur. Rabbit-fur. His rabbit’s fur, he was certain. She had no teeth. Instead of pearly whites, black, spindly things that looked like grotesquely sharpened fingers twitched and waggled at him. Every time her tongue popped out on an explosive consonant, he saw it was covered in pale green scales and split at the end, forking into two small snake heads that moved their mouths in conjunction with the words she was saying. They too had heads on their tongues, and those had heads on their tongues, world without end, amen.

He was still the puppet, still Pinocchio being run with someone else’s string. His arm dropped the curtain, and disengaged the latch. His arm went taut as he pushed the window open, his eyes locked on those of the smallest snake-tongue he could see.

Hissing with triumph, her teeth-legs pointing straight forward and lengthening further, the thing that wasn’t an old woman bunched the muscles in its arms, and squeezed through the gaps between the bars. Jimmy was no longer concerned with things that were impossible, though he knew this certainly fit in that category; the bars were no more than eight inches apart. He couldn’t even fit through them, and he was small for his age. He’d tried, once, when his mom had taken away a He-Man figure he’d found in the trash. Decided he was going to show her by running away. The attempt had failed, but it proved that no person could fit through those bars.

But somehow she had. His body politely stepped backwards, giving her room, as she poured herself through his window and onto his floor. Jimmy saw her clothes were rippling, bulging in places they had no business bulging, and that he could hear other voices coming from inside it. He didn’t move. Couldn’t. Circuits in his brain were turning off one by one, leaving him unable to do anything except stare at her and shiver in terror.

She rose to her full height, looming over him, and he noticed that her shadow had extra arms and legs, springing from her back and curving over her head or bracing her on the floor.

“Garbage day, darling,” she hiss/whispered/shrieked as her head came up to pin him with her eyes.

Gone were the gray chips of ice that he’d first seen three weeks ago. The sockets were ragged, ringed with more of that soft brown fur, with bloody tears running down the furrows in her face. Maggots squirmed around the diseased flesh, feasting with slurps and chomps that would have sounded silly and cartoonish to him if he’d seen them in a movie.

But there was nothing silly or cartoonish about the way she was looking at him now, through his dead rabbit’s eyes.

She reached out, lightning quick, and grabbed him by the wrists. He saw that her hands weren’t precisely hands, anymore; they were covered by some kind of black, icy-feeling scales, and the fingers were merging and elongating into spines. He heard one of his wrists pop, ground into powder by the strength of that grip, and would have screamed if he were able.

She drew him close, leaning into his face and blowing breath that reeked of rabbit shit and dead animal directly at him. His throat clenched, trying to gag, and a rancid burp leaked out from between his own lips, but nothing else.

“Old Mary knows just what to do. Take out the trash.”

She lunged, those horrendous mouths-upon-mouths latching onto his eyes, his cheeks, his own flapping tongue, and Jimmy learned what the rabbit had felt like.

(This story is an excerpt from Insomniac Nightmares; there’s 16 more just like it. Interested? Just click the link!)


There’s A Monster In My Closet

There’s a monster in my closet. That’s something you should be hearing from a five year old looking for excuses to keep the lights on at bedtime, not from a forty year old man who’s busy haunting his own house most of the time.

But just because it’s not something I should be saying doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

Something is hiding in there – lurking in there – and I know it’s waiting for me to drop my guard. It’s waiting for me to go to sleep without the lights on, or to push too far into the back of its domain reaching for a shirt or a Christmas ornament or something. Then it’ll grab me.

It’s been there since June. I don’t know what about the merry month of June made a monster decide living in the closet of one Larry Spaulder was a great idea. Maybe it was tired of the summer heat and decided my nice, air-conditioned condo was a better idea. Or maybe it was looking for me, hunting me, even before I knew it was there.

I don’t know what I could have done to earn the attention of the monster. Why it would want me over someone else. Maybe I just drew the unlucky straw one day. Do monsters have little circle-jerks where they decide who they’re going to haunt? Cast lots? Play fucking poker? Who the hell knows? Not like I could just ask him.

“Him.” Like I know what gender it is. Probably someone out there would get mad at me for giving a pronoun to a creature I don’t understand, on the chance that it doesn’t identify as that. Fine. I’ll go back to “it.” Not that I think it’s any better.

But seriously, you can’t ask the monster what it wants. It doesn’t respond. Acts like it’s not there at all, and does it so well that after half an hour of shouting at it you start to almost believe it yourself. There’s nothing there. Of course, that’s how it gets you. Makes you think it’s not there, that you’re just being silly, and when you go to throw the door all the way open and laugh at your own idiocy, that’s when it comes out, all teeth and claws, and does what it wanted to from the start.

At least, I think that’s what it wants. Maybe it just wants to drive me crazy. Maybe whatever it wants is something humans just can’t understand. But I know it’s hungry, because it ate my wife.

She thought I was crazy, she laughed at me, said there was nothing there and I was jumping at shadows. Said between my disability leave and the quarantine I’d gone absolutely around the bend nanners. Said I needed to get out more, or make some friends and talk to them. She kept saying that – was in the middle of saying one of those things – when she opened the closet and then she was just gone.

It happened that fast. One moment, she was opening the door and saying my name, about to spout off her hundredth platitude of the hour about how I was being silly, the next she was yanked backward into the darkness. She didn’t even scream. The only sound was like a garbage disposal trying to attack something that wasn’t quite too much for it, but close. The sound went on for about three minutes before stopping.

I used a mop handle to shut the closet door. No way was I going to get close enough to do it by hand. That’s how it gets you, after all. Like it had gotten my wife.

There’s a monster in the closet. It ate my wife, and it wants to eat me. Tonight might be the night; the last lightbulb is flickering, and I don’t have any replacements. I haven’t been to the store since Millie was killed, and I don’t think I can leave safely. It might leave the closet, be hiding somewhere else when I got home. You never know. So when the light goes out, and the sun sets, it’s probably over for me.

There’s a monster in my closet.


S. Crowe – Session 1 (Cont.)

(If you’ve missed where it started, you can find it over yonder!)

“If you’re certain. Though that does look quite painful. Potentially infected.”

Crowe rolled her shoulders again, seeming to retreat back into herself. Dorothea wondered if pursuing the subject of the girl’s injuries further would be worth it, then cast it aside. It was a symptom, surely, not the root.

“Alright, then. Do you remember the hospital where you woke up? What the doctor’s name was?”

Crowe’s lips parted, a thin hiss of air slipping free. One hand crept up to her face and she began gnawing an already ragged nail.

“Hanscomb. Dr. Hanscomb.”

Dorothea nodded, allowing her lips to quirk upward in a faint smile.

“That’s good,” she said. “But do you know why you remember that?”

Crowe gave a bark that Dorothea assumed was supposed to be some form of laughter, though it sounded more like an animal crying in pain.

“Yeah. I remember it because he was stupid. ‘Hanscomb like handsome, that’s me,’ he said.”

Her hand came away from her mouth, and she turned back to Dorothea, looking at her normally for perhaps the first time, the way one person looks to another when they’re having a cozy chat. Dorothea’s smile widened.

“That does sound a little… hokey, I suppose. But it stuck, did it not?”

“I guess. Doesn’t seem like such a great thing to me. I can remember some dumb doctor’s name when all he did was tap my knees, shine a light in my eyes, and tell me to talk to someone else. Hooray. Can’t remember my name or anything that happened before that, and wouldn’t be able to remember anything else if it weren’t for these stupid things, but yeah, great, progress.”

She rolled her eyes as she shook her mangled and braceleted arm in Dorothea’s direction.

Ah. Getting closer.

“Those help you to remember? How so?”

Dorothea suppressed a wave of worry as Crowe pulled back into herself, putting her knees to her chest and hugging them tightly. Perhaps she’d gone too far, too quickly.

“I dunno. Something…” Her voice trailed off, became almost dreamy. Her eyes went the corner of the room, losing focus as though she was looking at something much farther away than the potted plant that held watch there.

Dorothea let her stare for several seconds, not wanting to break whatever spell she’d inadvertently conjured. When nothing else seemed forthcoming, she leaned forward, hands clasped between her own knees.

“Something…?” she whispered.

Crowe nodded, and when she spoke again, it was in a singsong whisper that reminded Dorothea of when she would sing lullabies to herself as a child.

“Something my mother told me to do. If you can’t remember, snap a band and all is better.”

Dorothea eyed the other woman’s arm again, thinking that the behavior must go quite a bit farther back than this most recent memory loss. Whatever lay beneath the mass of hair ties and rubber bands was much more damage than could have been done over the course of only a few days.

Perhaps things like this occur often, she considered. Then she shook the thought out of her head. Regardless of how often this occurred, step one was resolving the current episode. Then healing could really begin.

“Do you remember your mother, Miss Crowe?”

There was near silence for several long seconds, broken only by Crowe’s hissing breath and the tick of the clock atop the mantle. When she answered, she was still speaking in that child’s voice.

“Sometimes. When I’m bad.”

KA Spiral no signature


Sleeping in

The harsh sound of ducks quacking interrupts the soothing voice of the British woman who has been talking to me for the last two hours. She’s currently telling me that she’d like me to touch the tip of my nose, then reach out and touch the tip of her finger repeatedly.

Both sounds come from the same place. My phone, lying on the bed. The ducks are just the alarm. I’d set it when I decided to take a nap, thinking it might improve my mood or give me the energy to do something besides watch television. An hour, I’d said. The hour was up, and then some.

I didn’t care. Without opening my eyes my thumb finds the right spot on the screen. The ducks stop; the British woman and her eye exam resume.

“Get up.”

The voice isn’t unexpected. It also doesn’t matter. I know if I look to the doorway, where it had come from, the owner of the voice wouldn’t be there, but I can picture him anyway: tall, pallid, thick mop of black hair, round glasses. A cigarette dangling from the corner of a scowling mouth, a tablet or laptop under one arm, and a camera in his other hand. Looking pissed because he had places to go, things to do, problems to solve.

“Don’t listen to him. Stay here. It’s better this way.”

That voice is more familiar. It’s comforting. Like the first, I know the owner isn’t actually there, but can picture him, too. Lying there with the covers pulled over his head, eyes closed, phone on his chest, listening to the British woman and ignoring the ticking of an internal clock as it wasted away. Seconds, minutes, hours, they didn’t matter to him, and he told me it shouldn’t matter to me, either.

I know them both very well. After all, they were me. The sleepy one was the one I listened to the most, though. No matter how much the angry, anxious one yelled – and he could yell plenty, something I envied about him – I could turn his volume down to nothing, listen to the tired one, and just stay here. I might feel bad about it later, and it might make the other one angrier later, but it doesn’t matter. I know if I stay here long enough, soon I can stay forever, and then it’ll all be darkness and soothing voices. No more shouting. No more fighting. No more pain.

“I said. Get. The. Fuck. Up.”

My eyes shoot open, and something is different. I can tell it’s been a while since they last had anything to say; my sense of time is broken, but not completely gone. But that’s not the problem. Time skips like that at the norm these days.

The problem is that he’s straddling me, his face inches from mine, teeth – the few he has left, anyway – bared at me, ash from his cigarette dropping onto my forehead. Somehow that detail, feeling the little flakes drift down from the glowing red eye of his cigarette and tickle their way across my forehead, my check, into the crease of my neck and give me the shivers like the thought of a bug crawling across me, is what convinces me this is real. Somehow, some way, he’s real, and he’s tired of putting up with my shit.

The camera and tablet aren’t with him; I imagine they’re still sitting by the doorway, carefully laid aside so they wouldn’t be damaged. He – we – always cared more for our things than ourselves. But everything else is the same; the Coyotes hoodie, the split left knee of his jeans, the jingling of his keys against the lighter and aspirator in his pocket, the dangling tail of the My Little Pony lanyard hanging loose and flopping as his lays hands on my shoulders and shakes me.

My head slams into the headboard, creating a white flash across my vision. When it clears, he’s still there, lips curled and eyes slitted in the same expression I’d seen in the mirror a hundred times before I took nails to flesh and clawed out a chunk of my own arm or my back.

“Go ‘way. Lemme ‘alone.” That was Sleepy. I don’t look. I’m afraid to look. It’s bad enough seeing one version of myself looking ready to kill me; I don’t want to confirm the physical reality of a third. Angry doesn’t have those problems. His head snaps to the left, he lets go of one of my shoulders, and a moment later I hear what sounds like a thundercrack and a mewl of pain. Blood begins to trickle from the side of my mouth, and Angry’s, and why not? What happens to one of us happens to all of us.

“You shut the fuck up. Christ. I’m trying to save us, here.”

Despite the rage and his actions, there’s a note of sincerity in his voice, curious but harsh care that somehow makes it worse. His attention comes back to me, locking eyes. His left hand rummages in his pocket for a moment and comes up full of pills. I know them well. Antipsychotics, antidepressants, antihistamines, steroids, cough suppressants. The things that keep me – us – alive and well. At least as well as we get, anyway.

His face doesn’t change from the bizarre mixture of care and hate as he hooks the index finger of his left hand into my mouth and forces it open. I try to talk, to yell at him to stop, but nothing comes out. He shoves the pills into my mouth, then clamps his hand over my lips and pinches my nose shut with the other hand. I don’t have a choice; I swallow.

“Good. Now get up. And don’t make me do it again.”

I blink, and he’s gone. For now. I glance down at the bed, and see three dents in it; one to either side of me, circular. Knees. To my side, a larger oblong one. The shape of a body.

That’s it. That’s enough. For today. The taste of the pills – the steroids, especially – is still on my tongue, stinging and rancid, and there wasn’t anything that would get rid of it except for chugging a soda and taking a hard drag on my vape box. The taste was shit, but it worked great as a motivator… once I had it in my mouth, anyway.

Time to get up. No more sleeping in.

KA Spiral no signature


A Terrible Thunder

It was asleep. For how long, I don’t know. Maybe a year, maybe a decade, maybe a millennium. It didn’t matter; what mattered was that it was awake, now.

Bitter irony had trapped it underneath the playground of a Catholic school. The children of its enemies would dance and laugh and scream and bleed above it, a slow trickle of their blood and tears and laughter and, most delicious of all, the little blasphemies they would utter when the nuns weren’t looking, seeping through the earth to its dozing ears, nose and tongue.

The storm came, as they are prone to do, unannounced. A bass rumble, a few seconds of nothing, as though the night was holding its breath to see what came next. Then a flicker of light. Then another rumble, louder, and a brighter flash. As the rain went from a quick drizzle to a torrential downpour that turned what the children used as a baseball field into a quagmire, those rumbles escalated to deafening cannon fire. The flashes of lightning on the horizon drew closer and brighter, until each one was turning the world white and imposing a negative exposure on the world.

It ended almost as suddenly as it began, with a final bolt that struck the metal pole the children used for tetherball. Electricity arced from the pole as it raced into the ground and burrowed beneath, and the sound ruptured the eardrums of small wildlife foolish enough to remain in attendance for the awakening.

The rain stopped. No more lights or sounds came from the heavens. Beneath the earth, it opened one baleful eye, and began to laugh.



“I don’t know why you bother. It’s not like you’re going to manage anything useful.”

Her tone is mocking, the singsong of a child, though the voice itself is husky. It’s a voice I’d almost forgotten, one that might have been better off left in the mental graveyard. But I’d dug her up, because there was something else in there with her.

You dug me up? I don’t think so, Gumby.”

God, I hated that name. It’s what she used to call me. A million years ago. That annoyed me more than her rifling through my mind to spit my own metaphors back at me.

“I dug myself out, thank you very much. Once you finally stopped piling more pills on top of the grave you threw me in.”

My eyes drift to the corner of the desk, to the row of orange bottles with their child-safe tops and the dozens of capsules, tablets and pills inside.

Haldol. Prozac. Xanax. Lithium. They sound like the names of Elder Gods, come to drag your soul and sanity away. They had certainly taken away my soul. Sanity was up for debate.

I hadn’t taken any of them in a week. After three years of them, I’d gotten lonely. I could do without her voice, but they also blocked the other voices, the ones I had to listen to, the ones who whispered their stories to me in the middle of the night and begged me to write them down in the morning.

The doctors claim it’s dangerous. Just going full-stop, cold turkey on a pile of psych meds that have been collecting in my bloodstream for years. They’re probably right. But I couldn’t keep going. If having her watching over my shoulder was the price, so be it.”

“So noble you are, Gumby. Don’t you think it’s a little pretentious?”

I felt a weight on my shoulder, both comforting and horrible. She was so strong, so there. I could feel her digging her nails in, and knew if I looked down I’d see the flesh of her fingers turning white with the pressure.

I didn’t look down. I didn’t want to be right. I acted like nothing had happened at all, that everything was fine, everything was normal. There was only one thing that would make her let go, make her shut up. Maybe not forever – maybe not even for more than five minutes – but at least for the moment.

I reached forward and hit the button on the back of my computer. Her fingers loosened just a bit… or maybe I only imagined it.

“Awww. You think you’re gonna do something? I doubt it.”

The last syllable was buried under the ominous but still comforting “bong” that any Apple user is familiar with. The word processor app popped up almost immediately, the window still open. The computer seemed to feel it had merely been put to sleep while I got a coffee, not powered down in a petulant fit nearly a year ago when I’d stared at the blinking cursor and empty white space for almost an hour while grinding my teeth and accomplishing nothing.

“Should have formatted it. Packed it up.”

Maybe she was right. But only one way to find out. I cracked my knuckles and settled my fingers on the keys, wincing at the electric stab of pain that worked through my wrists and forearms.

“I think you’re wrong,” I told her. Actually saying it, instead of just thinking it at her, seemed to be important. Sure, if anyone else was watching, they’d see an old gimp hunched over in a ratty chair and talking to himself… but no one was watching, unless you counted her.

“We’ll see, Gumby.”

I swallowed. The cursor blinked at me, patient and yet somehow snide.

The keys clicked. I wasn’t aware of them moving, but they seemed to know what to do. “Elle,” they spelled out. A name. I was always fond of starting things with names.

Click, click, click. “Might have been dead for years,” my fingers added. She had fallen silent. I was quiet, too. Didn’t even breathe. Writing is like casting a spell, and I was afraid to break it.

Might have been dead for years, my fingers said. That implied there was a “but” coming. Somewhere inside I felt something else waking up, some other part of me that had been buried in the same hole that she’d crawled out of, the same medically-induced coma all the other voices and drifted through for the last three years. That part of me was wonder, curiosity, the part that wants someone to tell it a story, that wants to know what happens next.

I gave in to that part. I let it listen, while my fingers did the talking.


Fiction – Bones

This… is a bone. Some people will know why it’s here, some people won’t. That’s okay. But think that you find an old, derelict building. Maybe it used to be a fortress, or a castle, or something important… but it’s fallen into disrepair and rot, neglected and used for target practice, the stones and things of value stolen or destroyed, the ground salted over and cursed by some Gypsy woman long in her grave.

And maybe in the middle of that, down a spiral staircase lined with a soot-coated silver rail and made of pitted glasslike steps that might have been ebony, or onyx, or basalt before time and vandalism wore away what made them special, there’s a small clearing. In what might have been the basement, nestled in a natural valley. Maybe there you see a well, or perhaps it’s a fountain. But no water runs from this place, nothing clean and cooling and refreshing. The ring of the well is lined with marble and silver, perhaps once arranged to resemble the gaping maw of the old draculs, but now the teeth are curved in and broken off, the silver is tarnished, and the scale motif of the well walls has become chipped, moss-eaten. The only thing that doesn’t appear to be centuries old and gone to seed are the chains, driving down into that black maw. Wrought of brass and iron, barbed with cruel spikes and locked into place with sturdy rungs of unidentifiable material that pulses a sickly green.

Maybe, because something demands you do it and, in the way of dreams, you can’t resist it, you lay hands on one of those chains and begin to pull. Somewhere below you, ancient gears begin to turn, and you hear the patter of stagnant water dripping for perhaps the first time in a thousand years. Your hands are pierced by the blades between the chain links, and your blood flows freely, staining the cobbles at your feet. Pain twists up from your palms to your shoulder blades like a horde of ants burrowing into your flesh from the open wound, and still you pull. From somewhere you hear the caw of a raven, and on the broken walls above you see dozens of corvid shapes taking roost, watching you with their black and somehow knowing eyes. Still you pull.

After a time, the bucket finally rises. You reach out and pull your find from within it. A single bone. Small, like a child’s; a shoulder blade with no spine or arm to support it. It’s covered in moss, scorched in places, chipped in others. You bring it to your face and inhale deeply. The scents of rot, age, death, dust and rancid water fill your lungs, but bring with it an image. A memory. The dusty smell… it’s not decay and powdered bone, it’s chalkdust.

In a classroom. Everyone midgets, barely two feet tall. No, not midgets. Children. Laughing. Singing. Scrawling their first disastrous attempts at their letters and giggling with glee each time the teacher pats them on the head or affixes a sticker to their papers. But one child stands away from the rest. This one isn’t giggling. This one is only watching, an expression of cold hatred gleaming in his green eyes. You come closer, and realize he can’t see you… but you can see inside him. See what’s wrong.

He’s been in that position for the better part of an hour. When asked to draw his letters, he did. All of them. Upper and lower. And the teacher looked at the paper, told him he must have cheated, and gave him a new paper to make him do it again. When he did it again, she gave him a harder paper; write words, and say and spell them. Which he did. Rather than a sticker, or a pat on the head, he was sent away from the others and told his parents will have to be talked to. He has been waiting since then.

When recess came, he wasn’t allowed to go outside. He has afflictions, they tell him, that mean he can’t run and play with the other children. His mother – or the woman he calls such, as the supposedly real thing left him long ago – is on the playground. Watching the other children. She has done it for years, and will continue to do it for years. She will hug them, pat them on the head, tell them how proud she is over each rock they turn up or each time they put the ball through the oversize hoop. But when she comes to the classroom, to examine the boy’s paper and talk about it with the teacher, she will only purse her lips and glare. Later she will take the boy to another place, where he will be poked and prodded and asked questions he doesn’t want to answer and pricked with needles and made to read and write things that will be thrown away and discarded as lies. He knows, because it’s happened before.

You’re pulled away, brought back to the courtyard and the well as the smell fades. But then you see the scorch mark, the place where someone or something must have burned the bone – or it’s owner – and you reach out to it, rubbing your finger against it for a moment, then placing the soot into your mouth. As the taste overcomes you, that flavor of death and decay burning into the roof of your mouth, you go away again.

You’re in a room; austere, with little to recommend it in the way of furniture except for a lamp and a crib. The boy is there, asleep in the crib though it’s much too small for him. Curled into the corner of it as best he can, thumb in his mouth, tear tracks on his dirty face and a bandaid with gaily dancing cartoon characters over a seeping needle mark on his forearm. Lying next to him is a stuffed animal, big and blue and strange-looking. Another figure enters the room. Smiles coldly. And pushes the uncovered lamp into the crib, resting the hot bulb against the faux blue fur. Nothing can be seen of this figure, only that it is tall, vaguely female, and wearing a nasty smile as it surveys its work. As the first tendrils of smoke come from the stuffed toy, it walks away.

You feel the heat baking your skin, cooking the tears that are yours as much as the boy’s. Feel your lungs start to close up as the cloud of burning plastic and polyester invades your nostrils and works its way down your throat.

Again you come back to the courtyard, and see one last thing that makes this bone different from the shoulderblades of any other dead thing. A gouge, running down the back of it. Deep, jagged, not quite straight. You dig your fingertip into it – it’s deep enough for that, and nearly wide enough, and you’re again somewhere else.

A living room. Brown furniture. Shag carpet. Family scene. On one couch an older couple – the ones the boy calls mother and father. On the other, a teenage girl and a boy, barely out of diapers. Sitting at the corner of the table between them, the boy is there. The tear tracks are gone, the bandaid no longer in evidence… but blisters are on his cheeks, and the angry welt of the needle is still on his arm. He is rocking, staring at the television the others are watching but not really seeing it. The urge to urinate comes over him, and he goes to rise.

The table, you see, has a jagged corner. You know the boy did that, broke it off when he was younger by running into it. That corner points at the boy’s back like an accusing finger, dangerously near to the soft place at the base of his skull each time his head rocks backwards. When he sat down, perhaps it hadn’t been so close, but the kicking of those he calls his siblings pushed it closer, or perhaps his rocking scooted him back. Regardless, when he goes to stand, that broken-off bit of old wood and plastic finds flesh… and bites.

It digs into his shoulder, but his upward momentum won’t be stopped; his shirt splits alongside his flesh, unravelling and hanging in two ragged flaps like tattered wings. The boy begins to shriek as blood begins to soak into the atrocious carpet. Time skips. The mother is behind him, cursing at the boy for being clumsy, for having an accident. The father is before him, laughing at the warm, wet spot that has formed on the boy’s jeans. More pain. Another shriek as the wings that had once been an unmarked spot of flesh are yanked back together and taped down. Liquid, burning and sizzling at the flesh, feeling like teeth chewing at the place where the skin ends and the pain begins as iodine and bactine are applied. More tape. Finally he is given a pill – the pink and white ones that make him tired, because that’s all they know to do with him – and sent back to the still-scorched crib.

He curls up – biting down further cries when the movement tugs at the tape they’ve given him instead of the stitches and real medicine he probably requires – and puts his thumb in his mouth. He pulls the blue thing – the face now mostly gone, a knot of melted plastic that reeks of it’s own destruction – closer to him. And sleeps.

You come back at last to the courtyard, and set the bone down. Part of you wants to toss it back into the well, but you know that’s not right; you bled to get this, your shoulders are still quaking with the effort of pulling the chains, and you feel a curious sense of gratitude as you lay it on the ground before the well, turning to walk away.

You found what you came for. The memory. The bone belongs to someone else.

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Flash Fiction: Cold

I hear my daughter, calling me to her room. She says she’s cold.

She died in the fire three years ago.

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Concordat of Lashan: Old Dead Things

Having posted so much Lashan related stuff in the last few days, I felt like resharing one of my short stories. It doesn’t directly deal with them – though the upir in the story are definitely vampires or a sort – but “Old Dead Things” occurs in the same universe as the Concordat, and Gregory Perron will be showing up again on this site soon, so figured it would serve as a nice introduction. (You know, whenever I finally finish with “Riptide,” which will be soon, I swear.) Enjoy!


“Bah! You come here, looking for Soldano? You not find him here, cop.”

The old man chuffed laughter alongside a cloud of pungent tobacco smoke, shaking his head and flapping his hand at me. At the table before him was a checkerboard, a game half-finished, though no other player was in evidence. Red was winning.

I didn’t have much interest in the game. It was none of my business. Dmitri Szgany, and what he might know about Soldano, that certainly was. I rolled my shoulders, letting the door slip shut behind me as I walked towards the splintered table he’d set his game board on. His rheumy brown eyes tracked me with only vague interest, peering through the cloud of smog his pipe was putting out.

“Looks like you’re losing, old man. What makes you think I’m a cop?”

The question wasn’t actually of interest to me, but I hoped it’d get him talking. Besides, he wasn’t entirely wrong. I was a cop. Until three weeks ago, anyway.

He laughed again, gesturing at the fire-sale salvaged chair across from him. “Am I? Strategy, friend, strategy. Hitler thought the motherland was losing, too, until he roll in with his tanks in middle of winter! Hah!” This time, the laugh turned into a wracking cough, prompting Szgany to hawk an unpleasantly crimson wad into a wastebasket to his left. “But you. You look like cop. Smell like cop. Besides, only cops ask questions about Soldano.”

He picked up a black marker and hopped it nimbly over one of the red, seemingly unaware that he had lined up four pieces that could be taken. Smirking to myself, I picked up a piece and made my own move, taking all the exposed chips.

“Fair enough. Doesn’t change the question. Where is he?”

The old man stared down at the board for a moment. He leaned back in his chair, taking another long drag on his pipe. I felt his eyes crawling over me, studying me, assessing me. Maybe he was just taking his time contemplating his next move – not that he really had many options given his previous blunder – but I thought he was actually debating on what to tell.

“You know, Soldano, he is not a man. He is monster. You know the things he has done?”

His voice, previously strong and reasonably friendly – if a bit gruff – quavered a bit. For a moment I saw my mother in him, her shrewish, fearful voice always warning of the things that could happen if Sascha and I weren’t in before dark, or quizzing us on every planned activity, searching for the dangers inherent to it.

Taking a deep breath and pushing the uncomfortable comparison away, I shrugged at him, turning my gaze to the board. “I know some. That’s why I’m looking for him.”

He nodded, making the movement with a slow and exaggerated style. “Hmmph. You not know half of what I know, if you looking for him. Still, must know more than the other cops. They don’t even bother, just laugh and walk away. Maybe he has friends in the high places, you know?”

He shrugged, picking up a piece that I hadn’t considered, in the far corner, and inched it forward a single square. His cryptic smile resurfaced, revealing the few teeth left in his head. The smile wasn’t entirely welcoming; something about it seemed predatory, sharklike. He was up to something, and I didn’t know if it had to do with the game or my questions about Soldano.

I continued studying the board, looking for his angle. There was an easy move that’d net me another two marks, but I suspected it was what he wanted me to do. I was more interested in where he was going with the piece in the corner, seemingly alone and unable to make an effective attack.

“Maybe,” I grunted at him.

“Pah. No maybe. When cops come here, and they hear that name, they put their little books away, they don’t ask any more questions. Sometimes, they look like they feel bad. Sometimes they pat you on the shoulder, look like they want to say something, but they don’t. They leave. Others, they smile like the people on the television, they say ‘Don’t worry, all be okay,’ then they leave too. Very quick. They don’t want to be in Little Odessa anymore than the rest of us. But they get to leave. We, we stay. They only visit, write their little notes, and leave. Soldano is just a boogeyman, nothing real to them. He weed out the garbage, they think.”

Nodding alongside his rant – though, he was right; all too often crimes, especially those they could trace to the mafiya, were ignored in Little Odessa. Easier. Simpler. – I took my move, claiming the pieces he’d left undefended. I couldn’t see any benefit to his previous move, didn’t see a trap coming, and just took it.

“They call Soldano boogeyman. Pah! I say, Stalin, he boogeyman. I call idiot Putin, he boogeyman. That Slender Man they talk about on the news, make those little girls kill, he boogeyman. You know difference, cop? Why Soldano not boogeyman? Boogeyman, he not real. He can’t hurt you. He story you tell children of why you left old country, of why you not go home, of why you be inside when it gets dark out and mama has supper ready. Soldano… he real.”

That queer echo of my mother again. She had said similar things, especially as her time wound down.

“So the cops, they come, and they write their papers, and now they think he gone, and they happy. Not because place is safer, now, but because there is less times we call them for no reason. Less paper to push. More time to drink their coffee and smoke their cigarettes and laugh at old Dmitri for still running this shop when everyone know there are no customers. They say ‘he maybe kill some people.’ Some? Pah!”

He jabbed his index finger into the table repeatedly, dredging up splinters with each syllable.

“Two hundred bodies we say are his. And that before he become real monster.”

He paused, catching his breath before taking another hit off his pipe. He glanced upward, over my shoulder, started to smile and then thought better of it. I heard the bell above the door clang twice, in rapid succession; by the time I’d glanced back to see who had come in, the door was already shut again and a figure was scurrying away. The instincts I’d fostered over my years with the force wanted me to give chase, but somehow I doubted one old lady in a babushka was of real interest. More likely she’d come for cigarettes or sugar, had seen a stranger, and decided against it. When I looked back at him, Dmitri was shaking his head.

“There, you see? You smell like cop. Even old Malvina knows it. You scare her off, no make sale. You owe me ten dollars American now, cop.” He laughed again, this time with actual humor in it, but waved it away when I reached to offer up my wallet.

“Always so serious, you people. I joking. Dmitri will get by, with or without your ten dollars. He always does.”

He settled one spidery hand over another piece, hopping one of my markers. I wasn’t worried. I’d left it there for him to take, setting up another blitz. Before I could make my countermove, he put his hand over mine. The feel of him was unpleasant, too warm, the skin papery and fragile next to mine.

“You not looking for Soldano as cop. You looking because he hurt you. Took something away. This, I understand.”

I jerked my head upward, glaring at him, wondering what sort of game he was playing. Did he know who I was, why I was really here? Through slitted eyes I watched him pull his own wallet from his pocket, struggling to get the fat and battered leather square free of his jeans. Dropping it open, his fingers rummaged for a moment before coming up with a small piece of celluloid that he brought reverently to his lips before crossing himself and turning it over.

“He hurt me once, too, cop. He hurt me because I tell what I know, what I see. He say ‘You ever do this again, Dmitri, I come back, make sure you never talk.’ Dmitri doesn’t care. He look at you, and he see someone who like him when he was young and strong and sure. He sees the fight not out of you yet. ‘Maybe’, I think, ‘he can do what you could not, eh?’”

He gestured to the picture again, begging me to look at it. It was old, creased and beaten from decades of being carried around in that ridiculous wallet, but it still haunted me. A little girl, with thick dark curls and wide eyes of emerald. A bright smile that showed the gleam of metal from fresh braces. One chubby hand extended as though to grab for something beyond the camera’s reach.

“My Irina. Only six. She was my world. Soldono thinks, he takes my world, he stops me. He is wrong; he only delay.”

I laid one finger on the photo, tracing the lines of the face. My eyes clenched, and I swallowed hard, trying to fight the sting of tears. She looked a great deal like Sascha had at that age.

“So I tell you where Soldano is. I tell you what Soldano is. You know why, cop?”

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.

“Because you look like type who might stop him. You might find him, might kill him, and then no one else come home and find their vnuchka nailed to the wall, eh? Dmitri has been waiting for one like you for a long time. Ever since Irina died. I wasn’t strong enough to do what I should have. Cops not care enough. But you… you care. You strong. You angry, and that make the difference.”

Dmitri wasn’t wrong. I’d given up my wife and son. My career. All that mattered to me was finding the son of a bitch and putting a bullet in his heart. It wouldn’t bring Sascha back, or get rid of the hole in my own heart. But it was right. It needed to be done. I nodded.

“See? Dmitri knows people. Is why shop is still open. So he tell you. If you want Soldano, you want the Virgin’s Grave. You know the place, old Shayden farm?”

Again I nodded. The place was on most of the patrol routes, since there was always somebody poking around, looking for ghosts or buried treasure. According to the stories, the Virgin’s Grave had been erected by the patriarch of the Shayden clan, memorializing his daughter. She’d been murdered by rum runners when dear old dad decided to hide their part of the take and keep it for himself. No one had ever found the money, or reliably seen the girl’s ghost, but it didn’t stop the lookie-loos.

Da. Virgin’s Grave, that’s where he goes. Late at night, with his new friends, ones who make him a real monster.”

I cocked my head, leaning back in the chair.

“You keep saying that. What is that even supposed to mean?”

Dmitri glanced downward at the photo of his daughter or granddaughter, not blinking or breathing for a long period. Sighing, he glanced up at me.

“You think I am crazy. No matter. I tell you. Maybe it help, maybe you laugh, maybe not matter either way. But when you go, if you really want him killed, you bring big weapons. Fire. Maybe chainsaw, even, for after. Because he not human. Two hundred he kill, and that was when he was a man. A hateful, evil, despicable man, but man just the same. But then he make friends, friends who are not men, who come only at night and never breathe or eat or drink, who stink like old borscht no matter how much cologne they wear. Then Soldano, he disappear for a few days. When he come back, he not eating or breathing or drinking or sitting in sunlight, either. And he smell like old dead thing, too.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Superstition had never been my strong point. I already considered Soldano to be a monster – didn’t even have to factor in what he did to my sister to reach that conclusion; his rap sheet was full of atrocities far more severe than his associates in the Mafiya, and he was known to go to extreme lengths to intimidate when a simple baseball bat and the “nice place you got here” speech would suffice – but the idea that he could be a literal monster seemed a little farfetched.

Dmitri nodded, as though he could hear my line of thinking.

“Yes, I can see you think me an old fool. Is fine. Dmitri knows, tales of upir and rusalki are for the children and the hack writers, da? But some things from the old country, they not die out. They not just boogeymen to scare the children, they not just stories the grandmothers tell of when they were girls. You don’t believe, is fine. But I still see you mean to kill him, cop. And I want you to. So, even if it just is humoring this old man, you take fire, you take blades. You make sure.”

He tipped me a wink through the smoke of his pipe, and I could no longer tell if he was kidding or not.

“Besides. I am guessing that you are not wanting your comrades to find a body, da? Is good. Make sure you burn him. Salt the earth. Scatter the ashes. Will do for him whether he man or monster, and keep you safe besides, eh?”

Still not sure how much of his commentary was to be believed – he seemed trustworthy enough with his story of a lost child and the way the force treated his people, and the part of me that wanted Soldano dead sensed a kindred spirit in him, but when he started babbling about ghosts of the old country his credibility took a severe hit – I just nodded. Best play along. Whether or not his information was any good remained to be seen, but it was a place to start.

He smiled at me, then flapped his hand. “Good. Then you go, cop. Get out, before you scare away any more business, eh?” He chuffed another laugh that turned into coughing. By the time the fit had passed, he was red-faced and wheezing. I reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, but he waved me away again.

“Go, go. I will be fine. As fine as I ever get, you know.” He hawked and spat another wad of phlegm and blood into his wastebasket. “Now get.”

I stood up and backed away, still eyeing him with concern. He seemed to have already forgotten me, staring down at the checkerboard and not glancing back up at me even as the small bell rang once more and I slipped out.

* * *

Getting to the Virgin’s Grave was no problem at all. Had to take a few back roads – one of which was so overgrown and disused I was half worried that my Caprice would get bogged down and I’d have to hoof it – to keep out of sight and avoid the alcohol checkpoints, but it wasn’t particularly stressful.

What was bothering me more was what was in the trunk. I didn’t want to think I’d given the old man more credence than he deserved, but in addition to the .38 that was always strapped under my shoulder, I’d brought a Mossberg, a can of gasoline, and the axe that had once hung in my garage, patient and quiet until winter rolled around and Michelle and Pete decided it was time to hunt down the Christmas tree we’d call our own.

There was no trace of good memories left on that old axe, now. As I’d hefted it, testing the weight and the swing – aiming downward rather than sideways as I would have on those long gone December days – it seemed to thrum with deadly purpose. No longer a tool, it had become a weapon. The feeling intensified when I took it to the grindstone, honing the edge until it was sharp enough to split hairs.

I tried not to think about the idea that, if things went the way I wanted, I’d be using it to dismember someone. Or something, if Dmitri was to be believed. Which of course he wasn’t. It was easy to tell myself that while I was in my garage with all the fluorescents turned on, even easier as I got into my car with the warm August sun beaming down on me. But as the night crept in and crawled over me on that drive, as my headlights became a necessity, as they showed less and less of the road in front of me, it started to feel a lot more plausible.

Sascha hadn’t just been killed, after all. She’d been torn apart. No tool marks visible. The marks on her neck had been too wide, too deep, for a man’s hands, even a big one. The coroner claimed it was probably due to decomp, or an overabundance of humidity, which I’d mostly accepted. As much as I could accept anything about her death, anyway. But now, coming up the road to the supposedly haunted farm in the dark of night, headlights off so I didn’t spook Soldano or his friends if they really were here, a trunk loaded with weapons that I was now certain I really meant to use, hell or high water, it was all too easy to believe in the fairy tales and ghost stories that my mother had told us so often. Upir and rusalki and Baba Yaga stalking the night, stealing children.

I guessed that made me the noble woodcutter or the valiant knight, but I sure didn’t feel like it. I felt like a criminal, barely better than Soldano or those he ran with. But I’d accepted that. I’d lost almost everything else when he’d killed her; why not the last scrap of my own self-image and integrity?

I parked roughly a mile away from the site proper. Made sure I was in good tree cover, wedged between a pair of pines that had gotten particularly adventurous and close to the road. I could see the place: the road spilled into a large circle of brightly-colored pebbles and gravel, the trees trimmed back to respect that circle. At the north edge, farthest from the road, there was a ten foot tall, triangular monument. I’d taken pictures there enough times – local tourist attractions had been a quick and easy way to entertain Pete when he still liked me enough to want me to entertain him – to know the front was sculpted to look like the murdered girl kneeling in prayer, and the inscription beneath, worn almost to nothing from grave-rubbings and wondering fingers touching it, read “Aliana Shayden, Beloved Daughter, Devoted Child of God. Taken too soon for the folly of her father.”

To either side of the stone were remembrance torches. Members of the Shayden clan – who now lived upstate, having mostly abandoned the farm and its bad memories a generation ago – paid to make sure the grounds were swept and the torches kept fed, burning all through the night. Their flames cast conflicting patterns of shadow across the color spray of the clearing, but I was glad for them tonight. From their light, I could see figures moving about in front of the stone. Looked like three, but I couldn’t be sure at this distance. Might be nothing at all, for that matter. For a moment I cursed not having brought a set of binoculars – Pete had left them last time he’d been at the house, and even though they were simple little things, designed to amuse a six year old who thought he wanted to be a bird-watcher when he grew up, they would have been enough to get a count, at least – but knew it couldn’t be helped, now.

I turned away from the stone, going to the trunk of the car. I pulled out the Mossberg, cracking it as quietly as I could to make sure. The dull brass of the shell casings gleamed at me under the starlight. Ten gauge buckshot. Man or monster, it was enough to put an almighty big hole in somebody, and the Shayden farm had the advantage of being pretty far away from any neighbors. Even the checkpoints or patrols trying to keep randy teenagers away would probably only think of firecrackers if they heard it at all.

I reassembled the shotgun, and held it under my shoulder while I pulled out the axe. As soon as I gripped it, I felt that sense of deadliness creep over me again, the feeling that I was holding something with one single purpose that was about to be realized. I hadn’t felt that with the gun, not in the dozens of times I’d fired it on the range or the small handful of episodes where I’d drawn it while on duty, and not even tonight as I was coming to a holy place with murder in my heart. But the axe awakened that feeling in me, alongside a feeling of rightness. What I was going to do with it was necessary. It was good. It was what I – and it – had been made to do.

I slid the ash handle of the axe through the loop of my service belt, the one that used to carry my flashlight. The cold steel of the blade’s head rested against my side, sending a harmonic pulse of that sense of right through my body.

I checked to make sure the .38 was seated in my shoulder-rig, and that it was loaded. Hollow points, swiped from the testing range in exchange for a favor from Briggs.

Apparently I had been taking the old man seriously, at least subconsciously.

Nodding to myself, I took a deep breath and started towards the clearing. I kept to the tree cover, circling so as to come up on the west side of the monolith. My boots didn’t make a sound, even when they passed over small bits of discarded twig or the odd dead leaf. Maybe, I thought, only half-serious, the old man was right and there are monsters out there. But maybe there’s something else out there, looking out for you.

There was a perverse sense of comfort in the idea, no matter how crazy or false it might be. That comfort led, naturally enough, to thoughts of my mother and what she always suggested when we were scared – generally of her own stories – or upset or worried.

Prayer was always the answer, to her. Some take solace in rationality. Others – myself included – in law and order. She found it through God.

Thinking of it brought a strange compulsion over me. The idea that I would do such a thing while on such an errand seemed almost blasphemous, an oxymoronic joke. But I wanted to, just the same. I stopped my advance – now only a quarter mile away, and I could see the figures clear enough to tell that there were three of them, and that their attention seemed squarely focused on the stone marker before them – and slid back behind the trees.

Going kneebound and setting the Mossberg down, I clasped my hands together, but somehow it didn’t feel right. They felt empty, somehow unworthy.

I ran one finger over the handle of the axe, and that felt right. I pulled it free from the loop, tightening my grip with both hands and putting the head to the ground. I searched for the old words, things that I had once known by heart but that had lain forgotten for the better part of twenty years, when I first came to believe that God must be dead, that there is only man to right the wrongs. After a time, I found them.

The Lord’s Prayer, first. Then Psalm 23. Then I added “May Perun grant me strength,” though I wasn’t certain why; it was just something that used to be said in my house, probably a holdover from grandma, who had been big on the old religions and less interested in, as she put it, “the puling sheep-god.” But it still felt right.

I rose, socking the axe back into my belt; right or not, I preferred something with range, at least at first. There were three of them and only one of me, and if Soldano was there, I wanted to take my time with him which meant putting his companions out fast.

I slid closer still, and my breath caught in my throat. Of the three, I recognized two of them. One was short, missing a pair of fingers on his left hand. His white shirt was open, and on the flabby flesh beneath I could see what looked like dozens of tattoos. Almost certainly Mafiya, though either not a major player or not local, since I couldn’t place him. The second was of average height, with ragged and greasy black hair that was starting to show streaks of white in his ponytail. One hand was almost completely black, covered in ink. I wasn’t close enough to see it yet, but knew there was a six-pointed star underneath his left eye, and that his lower lip would be deeply scarred. Grigori Valen, formerly one of the middle men in the Liddle Odessa operation. He hadn’t been seen in months; most of us had assumed he’d gone too far with someone else’s girl and had paid the price, but here he was.

Standing between them, looking immaculate in a white suit, his blonde hair slicked into perfect spikes, not a mark visible on him – all his tattoos were in places you couldn’t see without stripping him, he was almost obsessively vain about that – and a head taller than either of his companions was Anatoly Soldano. The monster I’d come to kill.

They were talking, though I couldn’t tell if they were speaking to each other or the stone, the distance and the low pitch of their voice were against me. I could catch enough of the rhythm to know it was in Russian, though. I crept a step closer, and the one I didn’t recognize spun suddenly, facing me directly.

He was looking looking straight at me, even though with my all black clothes, the lack of light beyond the torches – which only served to light the stone and a small bit of the clearing – and the distance, I should have been all but invisible to him. I had a moment to think that perhaps he’d heard something else, or thought he had, that he was looking because he was paranoid and not because there was something to look at.

That illusion was shattered when he lifted his right hand, pointed directly at me, and shrieked. “Politseyskiy!”

Well, there goes the ballgame. Soldono and Valen turned as well. I butted the stock of the shotgun to my shoulder, knowing the spread would be too wide for any effective damage at this range, but hoping that a couple of shots would discourage them, when everything I thought I knew fell down.

Their eyes were the first thing I noticed. They blinked and went from normal – cold and reptilian in nature, but still human – to shining red lanterns with cat-like pupils. Their jaws dropped down, all three of them shrieking, and I noticed they opened impossibly wide. All three of them seemed to have their jawbones resting just above their stomachs, filled with too many razor sharp teeth and each with a dangling, serpentine tongue

The sound was inhuman. Nails on a chalkboard doesn’t even begin to describe it. Had there been anything glass nearby, I’m sure it would have shattered.

The one who’d noticed me dropped to all fours and charged. He moved like a wolf, or a wild dog, and far quicker than anyone should have a right to. He’d closed the distance between us in less than three seconds. I ran on instinct, my hands and body remembering their training even though my brain didn’t. The Mossberg tracked him, the hammer fell, and the thing went flipping head-over-ass backwards, most of the face and upper torso missing.

There was no blood. He didn’t make a sound. He started to get up, slowly but not seeming too impaired. Again working without my higher cognitive functions, my hands worked the action and slid another shell into the chamber, letting him have it in the chest this time. He flew back another five steps and sat down heavily, the ruins of his face twisting into a sneer.

The other two were coming. They didn’t move as fast as the first one, but they were still fast enough; my hands tried to do their trick again, but somehow screwed it up and jammed the shotgun. There wasn’t time to think, wasn’t time to unclasp the revolver. I dropped the shotgun and yanked the axe out and up, getting there just in time; Valen’s gaping maw was inches from me as the axe head lodged against the side of his throat, a solid impact that turned my hands numb. Without thinking, I twisted, using the weight of the blunt end to throw him down.

Soldano leapt towards me, and if I’d been any slower dealing with his friend, he might have got me. As it was, his outstretched hands – which were claws, I saw as they streaked past me – skirted only inches from the side of my head, in precisely the spot I’d been before spinning Valen to the ground.

I kept my momentum, turning and twisting the axe, catching Soldano in the gut and shoving him backward. Valen bounced back up and jumped on my back, latching on with that impossible mouth. I could feel the teeth pushing through my shirt, hitting flesh and boring in. The pain was exquisite, like nothing I’d ever felt in my life. Even the week where I had three root canals was practically paradise compared to this, and that was before the injuries began to burn, like someone had poured acid on them.

“Fucking Christ!”

At my exclamation, something happened. I don’t know what. The axe head – still half-buried in Soldano’s gut – seemed to pulse for a moment, a throb of bluish purple light that left a hazy corona burned into my retinas. Soldano seemed to fly backwards, freeing himself from the weapon and hunkering down, hissing at me. Valen let go, springing back as well. The third, who looked like he was about ready to get back up, thumped on his ass again, his distended face dropping into a mask of terror, eyes wide.

Something came over me then. I wasn’t fighting three monsters for my life or to avenge my sister. I was just doing my job, just cleaning up the trash, just like I’d done hundreds of times when I was still a cop. I jerked the axe up, muscles moving with a fluidity I hadn’t known they possessed, and almost casually flicked it sideways. Valen’s head hit the ground a moment later, still trying to scream.

Soldano backed away a little further, his eyes widening and starting to show the faintest tinges of ice blue at the edges. His jaw retracted a bit. Whether it was fear or caution, whatever he had become was slinking out of him, the human he had been resurfacing.

I started to advance. The pain didn’t matter anymore. The doubt was unimportant. What mattered is that there were two left, and they needed to be put down. Soldano backed up a step for each one that I took forward, and that was fine by me. As we passed his unknown friend, my hands did their own magic, dropping the blade down at an angle and tearing through the thing’s ribcage, splitting that horrid mouth in two, exposing organs that were little more than desiccated specimens that belonged in a lab, not in the chest of a walking, talking person. Or whatever he was.

Soldano hissed again as I split his friend in half, but there didn’t seem to be much bite to add to the bark; he was still backing up, though I could see he was almost out of room. A few more steps and he’d be butted against the monument, with nowhere else to go.

“How’s it feel, you son of a bitch? You like it? Being scared? Is it as much fun, now that you’re the one on the chopping block?”

A part of me was enjoying this too much. The feeling of power, the adrenaline rush, the sheer sadistic glee that I had the bastard exactly where I wanted him.

The inevitable happened; his back hit the monument, and he froze, jerking his head to either side, his nostrils flaring. Nowhere to run to; the sides extended over to the torches, and to get past those, he’d have to go through me. I smiled at him, showing all my teeth. They might not have been as impressive as his, but from the look of him, they were nearly as intimidating.

“Nighty-night, mudak.”

I swung, shearing through his jaw and into the neck behind it. My hands thrummed as the axe bit into the monument and lodged there, popping blisters I hadn’t realized I’d had. His head – the top half of it, anyway, if one took that mouth into consideration – stayed there, resting on the axe. The rest of him slumped to the ground, melting into a noxious gas that – as Dmitri had said – stank like spoiled borscht.

His eyes rolled in the sockets, seeming to fixate on me one last time, marking me. Then his skull started to melt, sliding off the axe to join the rest of him in a viscous puddle before evaporating.

I took a step back, and glanced over my shoulder. The other two were dissipating as well, though the spots they had fallen had turned dead and gray. Whatever else they were, they were toxic as hell. I doubted anything would grow there again.

I reached up to pull the axe out of the stone, wincing at the damage I had done. The blade had landed squarely in the stone woman’s chest, biting deep. I mumbled something like an apology while I tried to work it out of the carving, but the strength and surety that had driven it through the monsters a minute ago was gone. My arms were rubber, and getting a grip with my bloody, pus-covered hands was almost impossible. I finally had to brace myself against the side of the stone, push with my legs and yank with both hands to get it free. Then I vomited.

I might be bloody, bitten, bruised and broken, covered in my own puke, but the job was done. I could take a certain amount of satisfaction in that… but not nearly as much as I thought I would have.

If things like Soldano and his pals were real… what else might be out there?

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