Posts Tagged ‘attempted coup

12
Jan
21

Ill

I’m ill. Not just my physical and mental issues – though it’s not helping those, either – but ill with worry.

With the current situation, and the stories being released by the FBI, I feel that myself and people I know and care about are in very real danger, and there’s nothing to be done about it except wait, cross my fingers, and hope.

I don’t take well to those things.

Of course, the individuals who may do me or mine harm would probably say I’m right to be afraid, that I’m an enemy of democracy and should be executed as a traitor. That seems to be their rhetoric as regards anyone who doesn’t agree with them or doesn’t believe their story about a stolen election. They’re not exactly big-brain types with much capacity to argue their point. I suspect most of the big words they know – like “sedition” – they picked up from Q or some other idiot conspiracy site.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, and feel like I’m going to live through the next four years walking on eggshells and waiting for a bomb to drop. Part of me wishes if the little snots intend to do something, that they just do it and get it over with. I’d rather know, instead of be waiting.

That sounds like I want some kind of Civil War, that I want the imagined danger to become real, which isn’t the case at all. I just want not to be waiting, to be holding my breath and expecting the shoe to drop at any moment. I want to not have to spend the day refreshing the news websites. I want to be able to sleep right again.

They told me it’d all be over in November, everything would be fine then. I said “I don’t think so.” They told me everything would be fine on January 6th. I said “I don’t think so.” Now they say everything will be fine after the 20th, and I still don’t think so. I don’t know that we’ll ever be “fine” again.

I could keep going, but I’d just be chasing my tail. I’m scared, I’m sick with it, I’m worried about myself and my friends, even the ones I haven’t talked to in years. I’m worried about anyone who currently lives or works in or around capitol cities.

07
Jan
21

Not Okay

I am not okay. You know how, whenever something big happens, you see all those Facebook posts and Tweets that say “I’m okay?” Yeah, I’m not one of those.

I have no particular reason to be afraid, except for living in an area where people refer to themselves as Ore-GUN-ians as they cruise around, maskless and bearing Trump or MAGA banners. I’ve no particular reason to be afraid other than being disabled. I’ve no particular reason to be afraid, except for clinging to existence by one fingernail as I fight a system that seems more inclined to help goldbrickers than it is people with legitimate problems, a system that can apparently be brought to a grinding halt by a bunch of nuts who believe anything the internet tells them.

People tell me I have no right to be afraid, that people like me are the problem. “Like what,” I ask, but only get a knowing glare.

I’m told I’m not allowed to take solace in writing, not allowed to reach out to others. I’m supposed to use my platform to uplift others and condemn this goddamn mess. What platform? I really doubt anyone cares what I have to say on the matter, and given that I did have things to say on the matter, things people ignored, the abuse becomes even more perplexing.

I am not okay.




Show your support

Adopt an Artist

Take pity, and eternal gratitude will be yours; helps keep this site running and the words flowing.

PayPal Donate Button

Archives

Follow Insomniac Nightmares on WordPress.com