Insomniac Nightmares

I am not a Christmas person.

As a child, the family had an… interesting… way of dealing with Chrismas, which mostly soured me on the concept. Years later, I made an attempt to celebrate my own Christmas with someone I cared deeply about that blew up in my face. Then I spent six years working retail and watching how people behave from late November until February when the gift receipts are no longer valid, and that finished it off for me.

I acknowledge others do it, and don’t begrudge them or try to berate them for it. I am aware there’s probably hundreds of assorted “Christmas-like” holidays around this time, and don’t try to bully them into a case of the bah humbugs, either. I do my thing, they do theirs.

This Christmas is looking particularly grim, however. There’s the usual apathy and depression to do with the holiday, but added on is the knowledge of what a burden I’ve been to my partner through the year, and how she – who very much is in love with the holiday and wants to celebrate it – is being denied that (as well as any of the things on her Christmas wish list) because of how things are. That’s plenty more miserable to me than my general malaise surrounding the day and how it creeps ever closer.

Still fighting with the disability people – apparently letters from two doctors alongside a full functional capacity evaluation that says “it is unsafe for him to return to work” and demanding surgery isn’t “sufficient evidence of disability” – and doing what I can to hurry it through, with no end in sight.

Still need that surgery, and more pressing at the moment is playing catch up with the bills that continue to pile up while I sit on lockdown. Some of you know I have a Patreon; some of you know I have a GoFundMe set up. If anyone out there, in the spirit of Christmas – or who want to give my long-suffering partner some breathing room for the holiday – can help, even with just a share or word of encouragement, it’d be greatly appreciated. Links below.

Patreon

GoFundMe

If you’ve put up with my whimpering this year, thank you. There’s hundreds of you who, for some reason, seem interested in the things I have to say, and while I have difficulty expressing it or sometimes batten down the hatches and crawl into my hole, it matters to me. More than any of you may know. Hopefully, all of you out there have a Merry Christmas (or whichever form of “<Good> <Your Holiday>” you prefer) and a great 2020.